Mash Sketch

INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY

A CUSTOMER confronts an EMPLOYEE.

Excuse me, I'm looking for mean ground beef.
You mean lean ground beef.
I was told it was mean ground beef.
Lean ground beef.
No. I'm certain it's mean ground beef.
Okay.
So where is it?
What?
Where do you keep it? Where do you keep your mean ground beef?
We don't carry that.
Hmm. Are you sure?
Uh-huh.

He sighs.

Apparently I've been misled.
How's that?
I was told you sold mean ground beef here.
We sell lean ground beef.

He sighs again.

That's too bad.
Do you know what it looks like? What if I show you what lean ground beef looks like?
Alright.

She shows him into the meat department.

Right here's four-hundred kilograms of lean ground beef. Does this look like what you're looking for?
I'm not sure. I've never seen it.
So why are you buying it?
My roommate sent me. He's masking mash.
What's that?
A roommate?
Mash.
Mash is eggs and celery and mean ground beef.
Fried?
Is that on top of the oven?
The stove.
Sorry. Is that on top of the stove?
Yes.

She considers it.

You mean lean.
Yes, mean.
No. Lean.
No.
(sigh) I don't know what else I can do or say to make this make sense to you. This is beef. This is cow. This is what you're looking for. There is no such product as mean ground beef.
So you think I heard it wrong?
Yes!
Hmm. It's possible.

He considers.

If I bought this, would my roommate be angry?
He'd probably be very happy.
Should I tell him about this?
Our conversation?
Mean ground beef.
Maybe avoid it.
Alright.

He takes the package of lean ground beef.

"Lean." Imagine that.

He walks off.